Wonderful Summer in London

This has got to be by far the single most ridiculous morning ive ever woken up to in my entire life!....at this moment, im sitting half assed on a foldable chair....and even then im cringing with acute pain searing thru my right buttock...now before you get any funny ideas, i must insist that i wasnt drunk last nite, im not gay, neither was i involved in a hit and run...rather, i was hit most painfully by the irony of life..literally....let me proceed to explain why

I'll start by listing out the important actions that i perform every weekday just before i head to the office.

1) Wake up
2) Brush teeth & scratch my arse
3) Hop into shower
4) Shave
5) Style me hair
6) Iron my shirt
7) Button up & head downstairs for cereals
8) Head to the office

However, i stopped at number 6 today...heres what happened....i usually iron my shirts on the bed because its got a really hard mattress and its much more convenient than pulling out an ironing board...after finishing off, i usually store the iron away immediately being the organised person that i am...but today, my mind was off in wonderland and i left it on the bed heated and ready to do its ironing magic...

Now i think i forgot to mention, but i carry out steps 1-6 in the most natural form...much like Adam and Eve running around in the garden of Eden...the thing is, hot electric irons werent invented yet and i had the opportunity of experiencing a brief moment of enigma when i sat on my iron which so happened to be in "linen mode"....i dont know if youre aware, but linen mode on my iron means the hottest it'll ever get...i must thank God however that only the inside of my right ass was incinerated....because if i had a more centered positioning, i wouldnt be alive now...also thank God for Elastoplast and anticeptic cream....actually scrap the anticeptic cream...it burnt another layer of my arse

Whats worse, i called in sick today and explained rather awkwardly to my boss that i had an "accident"....and you know what?!...he laughed at me and called me a pervert!.....f&^%$(!!!

I do apologise if i was too graphic in my explanations but i felt i had to be true to the story and relive the memory as it happened...its not everyday a lucky person gets to brand his ass with an iron...everyone should be as lucky as me...what a wonderful summer day!